capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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