i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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