I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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