i just google imaged poop.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
