I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
