It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
