I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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