there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
