Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bring me that man meat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
