first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
