Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
