I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
