I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
