A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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