mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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