Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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