Define "chronic" masturbator.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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