my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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