It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
