sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
