My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
