I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
