I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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