my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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