..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
