Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
