wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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