Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
