google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
