I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Small penises have feelings too.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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