went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
