nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
