Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
