Plan B is the new Plan A
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
