Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
