it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is Oprah even human
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
