This is not my ceiling
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
