at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
