Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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