i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
