As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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