I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
