I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
