Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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