so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
