Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
