you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
