You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
