peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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