Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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