Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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